The Problem of Forgiveness

A couple weeks ago I read this article by Libby Anne, about when forgiveness becomes a problem. Which seems to be at the exact point where forgiveness becomes a duty rather than a bonus. I didn’t plan to write anything about it, usually Libby Anne covers things well enough that I’m happy to leave it as the final word.

Then I saw this terrible article: Boko Haram kidnapping survivors look to the future with hope. It’s all about forgiveness, too. And the similarities are worth commenting on.

Libby Anne has written other articles on this which elaborate on the idea. The forgiveness problem seems to arise when it becomes expected, or mandatory. No more “to err is human, to forgive divine”. Forgiveness becomes viewed as a necessity. Once that happens, a show of contrition becomes the only punishment necessary. And failure to forgive becomes viewed as a weakness of the victim. In some cases in these evangelical cults the inability to forgive is considered a sin in itself, worse than the original crime.

Back to Boko Haram. The news article presents forgiveness necessity. Two of the victims interviewed have forgiven their captors… one of them specifically saying “Forgiveness is something that must be done” and “You must forgive to continue”.

A third hasn’t forgiven. She pities them, but as the article describes she “isn’t there yet”.

In this case the damage forgiveness can cause is more limited… they have escaped, while the Duggar girls have not. Forgiveness isn’t likely to result in further abuse for them. But that is only true if the outside world remembers who to sympathize with. If everyone around those girls expects them to forgive, than all of the sudden there’s nowhere for them to escape to.

In a better world forgiveness might be viewed as a symptom of Stockholm Syndrome, and discouraged. Perhaps such a world would have fewer sex slaves in it. Perhaps the slavers would be more likely to be caught and stopped.

I don’t know if we can make that world. There aren’t a lot of people tilting at that windmill. But it could be worth a shot.